New Job - I wrote a letter - I got the Job

This is a letter I wrote to an interview after our meeting went long. Pablo asked me casually about my degree and the ‘philosophical’ view of meaning. He asked for a book suggestion, this is what I followed up with:


Pablo,

I’m sure you were hoping for a simple book suggestion or list of suggestions. However ‘meaning’ is a deep and subjective subject. My degree did not cover this word beyond linguistics and semantics - the meaning of ‘meaning’. I can expound about the different types of philosophy education. Mine is squarely in the analytical realm. I went down a bit of a rabbit hole, spoke with a couple friends, read a paper (linked below), and wrote about 2000 words trying to figure out my position on this. I’ll keep this short and in overview.

First of all I don’t think there is a universal definition of a ‘meaningful’ life. Though it seems through modern psychology we now understand that meaning, purpose, life goal, and/or values play a large role in a person’s sense of their place in the world. This placement defines all sorts of important things. If you know where you are, you know where you can move for example.

My suggestions follow this path in that I don’t think there is great solace or useful information from a purely philosophical view, which seems to be what you are looking for. Psychology formally branched off from philosophy in the mid 19th century to focus its areas of inquiry, scientific experiments, elaborate ideas, and systemize methods and ways of thinking. 

Philosophy and Psychology have remained the closest to home in terms of theory and approach. Just look at the replicability of psychology studies. Also P hacking. It seems to me that to study or understand ‘meaning’ is the act of doing psychology. Why are we here, why do we continue in the face of uncertainty and pain? Instinct? Pain avoidance? Curiosity?

The terms here, for me, are muddled and essentially the same. The only difference being psychologists have been fighting for true recognition among the sciences since the mid 1800’s where philosophers have been happy and confident to remain in modern obscurity, quietly whispering to themselves ‘we birthed all of you’.

I think the Bhuddists have explored this the best and have the most constructive, non pedantic grasp of the subject. I’ve discovered a fun Harvard trained psychiatrist that also spent time training as a monk who is now attempting AOE (Area of Effect; his words) mental health healing on Youtube and Twitch. I was skeptical at first but Dr K’s approach combining his experience as an addict, monk, and doctor has me tuning in and convinced me that I should explore beyond the boundaries of analytical life a bit more and not completely dismiss spirituality as a source of finding deeper meaning.

In the Buddist Theravada tradition the meaningful life would be one where you work toward achieving Nirvana. Central activities might include exploring life’s offerings, understanding one's nature, and pursuing wisdom of the world and self. The second biggest tradition, Mahayana, focuses on group liberation. Buddhism is vast, and for another time..

My conjecture: The idea of achieving Nirvana by ending the cycles of death and rebirth seems very close in concept to the fawn response acted out by traumatized people where they take on a persona they believe those around them will accept and frequently changes from person to person or group to group they interact with. Bad parenting has been around forever. The individual forgoes their own search for meaning, adopting another's to achieve security and acceptance. 

Let’s move to a western definition quickly. Here we’ll say that a meaningful life is a life well lived, or a good life. We’re pinning it down a lot more than in eastern philosophy, which as we’ve just discussed has a more exploratory approach. Disagreement here points to the subjectivity of this subject.

The western take on ‘meaning’ draws back to the concept of Aristotelian eudaimonia. This idea roots a good life in concrete, noticeable, and quantifiable things. A good life with meaning is measured and lived according to certain principles, values or virtues. While at odds with the modern concept of the ‘good life’ - that everyone’s interpretation is correct to themselves, eudaimonia is a good starting point. There are so many options available to the modern individual that a virtue based approach seems the most utilitarian in the modern age.

I think there are better expressions of the eudaimonia philosophy, as similar ideas come up in multiple traditions. It does seem they all boil down to these statements - do the hard work - seeking pleasure leads nowhere - and contentment and inner peace are more often seen as a consequence and don’t seem to be considered when evaluating a meaningful life. It’s more about impact on the tribe.


It's easy, just like visual programming - Blender Geo Nodes

So I finally started to tackle shaders and shader nodes and I don’t even really know what the correct name is. I get it now. It’s programming. You have an input on one end, it goes through the shader node network and then spits out the end. Like going into photoshop and doing operation one by one, it just automates it. You set up the pipeline.

Geonodes is exactly the same except for generating and manipulating meshes or geometry. You have to add a GeoNode Modifier to a mesh but you can just ignore that and start from scratch, this is cool for developing generators and stuff I think. Just apply the nodes and voila.

The trees and rocks in the following image are generated programmatically through the node network. This started off as a flat plane. First it’s distorted to look for like a ground texture. Then points are randomly distributed on the surface. The points are then used as the origin for new geometry.

I haven’t figured out how to get the tree tops on top of the trunks just yet.

You can use generative textures like noise and gradients to map things onto your surfaces or objects, then apply effects based on the black/white maps. Here a gradient texture is broken up into section of color with the color ramp node.

some more blender

So on this project I set out to learn more about the whole workflow. Going from cube to a finished animation. Getting a hang of the common tools and repeating using them over and over. I’ve done a lot of this before. Especially modeling. There’s a lot to do once you learn the tools. Lot’s of ‘what do I do now’. I guess that’s being an artist. No one telling me what to do. I want to learn the tools.

My final goal is to create an animation workflow to create shorts or a series based on Battletech that I can release on a regular basis. Have the story idea and know the tools to execute and see how it would look. That’s the question - ‘How would this look?’

Over time I’ll develop a style that fits the workflow I’m going for. I’m very specific, even if I don’t know what that is really yet. I’ll know it what I see it and feel the process as I perform it and determine where things need improving or is just what it is and needs to be done.

I embrace all the new AI tech and automation. It’s this that’s given me confidence that I can do this in a reasonable amount of effort and time. The tech isn’t quite there yet. Ian Hubert is doing massive things to show what a small crew can do.

What lacks is interesting story. Showing people things they actually want to see. They don’t care to gawk at the animation or beauty of the art. They are here to be entertained like on a roller coaster. The train car and the rides colors are important but pale in comparison to the track and flow of the ride. That’s the story, riding the track, everything else is passing by. It’s all about what happens.

Anyway here’s my most recent animation from this weekend. I learned about anime and comic shaders, using color ramp to divide the colors and create a nice clean shadow form. I also learned how to separate objects into different collections so freestyle only affects the parts I want, also viewlayers and how that works with rendering. I learned a bit about Evee and reflection - I need that light probe object to make it work. The other thing was using track to and child of constraints to make lights and cameras much easier to use.

This model started because I was distracted by Godot and wanting to make a scrolling airplane shooter game quickly. That’s another thing I’d like to be able to do. Know how to make a video game and be confident I can do it.

Next I want to learn how to make the camera more swoopy and flow through the scene. the zoom in ends abruptly and transitions harshly to the lateral move behind the plane. Probably setting up a curve for the camera to follow instead of keyframing everything

Working in Blender this week

Taking Blender seriously this month. All of September I’m going to be making cool shit.

I got into Battletech recently. The books are pretty good. The game is fun. The community is awesome. A+

I did some Minis photography!

I also painted these!

Battletech Atlas

Cool ‘supermarket’ F-150 with INX model from Enemy Spotted Studios

Behind the Scenes!

Laser cut Abrams Tank - my own design (6mm scale)

A couple other concepts

Trucks token - probably 3mm scale

Street Q1 2022

Walked around with my Fuji XT3 and 35mm recently. It’s good to get out of the house and wander again. I’ve missed feeling free to roam.

FPV Wings